Fat Pram

Clogging the corridor train-aisle and bankpram
It’s almost the size of a light-armoured tank
The owner is therefore inclined to pull rank
“Do’you know I am?”
Fat pram, fat pram.

Wheelchair give way
Don’t you dare make a fuss
Mum and her precious are taking the bus
The baby on board must be supersize-plus
Weight of a freighter of ham – fat pram

In gentle, less-manic and sweet days of yore.
Pushchairs collapsed or were left by the door
Not in the shop taking up the whole floor
Causing a jam
Fat pram, fat pram

“Yes, it folds down!” – to the width of a cow –
But she hasn’t got time to be doing that now.
With shopping and tweeting to manage somehow
She won’t give a flying…
Fat pram.

Martin Newell, “Sunday Express” 14/12/14